30s / birthday / Life / Uncategorized

Don’t just count your years…Make your years count…

My 30th birthday is rapidly approaching. Someone asked me “What do you want your 30’s to be like?” This question really made me think. I replied with, “hopefully, in my 30’s, I’ll find a career that I love. Get into a meaningful relationship that leads to a life time together. Buy a house. Start a family. And just be super happy.” While I think that that is a good answer, the more I think about it, the more I want to add to it.

My 20’s have been full of times where my love for myself hasn’t been too apparent. College was a stressful time. I spent too much time “having fun” and not focusing on school. I moved to Florida and didn’t focus on myself one bit. I moved back home from Florida and started grad school. Again, I didn’t focus on school the way I should. I quit grad school and moved back home. I partied a lot. I was dealing with depression that I really didn’t know how to handle. I drank, a lot. So much that my family was concerned. I behaved recklessly. I made new friends and lost old ones. I lost people that were important to me. I picked myself up and still tried. I went skydiving, twice. I had many different jobs. I loved fiercely. I put others before myself. I shaved my head. I had days when I didn’t think I could go through another day. I cried; happy tears, sad tears and everything in between. I gained a lot of weight (70ish pounds) and then lost a bunch of it. And gained it all back. I got out of my comfort zone. I traveled. I purchased a new car. I adopted a dog and a turtle. And just in this last year, I finally started to realize my worth. That it’s okay that I gained weight. I’m now working hard to get my mind and body back into a healthy state. I realized that I am brave. And strong. And determined. And focused. And so worth loving. I’ve gained strength and courage through out this past year. I am so ready for my 20’s to be over though. I’m ready to make my 30’s the best decade of my life yet!

So, here’s what I want my 30’s to be like…

I’m going to love myself more than ever. Work really hard to change the things that I can about my body. Accept my flaws, but also know that I have the power to improve. I’m going to love my body. I’m going to make sure it gets quality nourishment in it every day. I’m going to work out, in one way or another, daily. This might be going to the gym or it might be dancing in the kitchen. I’m going to have positive self talk. I will accept compliments and actually believe people when they say them.

I’m going to find a career that I love. It’s been one hell of a journey so far. I’ve done things that I really enjoyed and things that I hated. I’ve seen people in terrible situations, situations that would break your heart. I’ve left work and sat in my car bawling before I could leave the parking lot. I gave my all to people who would never be able to “return the favor”. I’ve worked really late. I’ve gone in super early. I drove all around Illinois and Indiana. I’ve helped some children and families get through some really hard times. Anyone in social services can tell you that this wears on you. You take it home with you. You think about the people you are helping all the time. People say to “leave work at work” but in this field, it’s not always possible. In my 30’s, I will find something that is a perfect fit for me. Something that I love doing. Something that I am passionate about. Something that improves lives. I just don’t know what that’s going to be yet.

I’m going to find someone amazing to spend the rest of my life with. Someone who is loyal. Honest. Trusting. Patient. Kind. Funny. Caring. Determined. Someone who makes me smile by just being in the same room. Someone who gets me. Someone who wants to have a family. Someone who has hopes and dreams. Someone that loves fiercely.

I’m going to find a place to call home. Paris will always be home, but that’s not what I mean. This town has always been too small for my dreams. I’m going to find a place where I feel at home. And when I do this, I’m going to buy a house and make it my home. I will decorate the walls with things that I love: pictures, quotes, painting. I will have a fenced in yard so Charlie can roam freely. (Because she’s going to live forever). I will have a garden. I will have an area where I can go outside and just enjoy being outside. I will drink my coffee out there. I will watch my children grow up out there. I will make memories out there.

I’m going to dedicate more time to self care. You can’t pour from any empty cup. In my 20’s, my cup has been damn near empty, if not empty, a lot. I’m going to take time to read more books. Cook more meals. Get massages. Get manicures. Spend time with my loved ones. Mediate. Pray. Take more baths. Listen to music. Celebrate the small things. And the big things. I’m going to laugh more. Smile more. I’m going to spend more quality time with the people that mean the most to me. I’m going to travel. Go to more concerts. Take vacations. Go to new places. See new things. Try new things. Work out. Push myself to be the best person that I can be.
Things that I’m not going to do in my 30’s

  • I’m not going to settle. On anything. Not on a job, not on a significant other, not on how people treat me.
  • I’m not going to put myself down anymore.
  • I’m not going to put up with any crap.
  • I’m not going to let the number on the scale determine how I feel about myself.
  • I’m not going to hide my feelings/emotions.

This is in no way everything that I want my 30’s to be like (or not be like) but I needed to get it out and write it down. I’ll add to this as things come to me!

Here’s to turning 30!!

 xoxo

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